darkness

my talent is  sitting through the pain. no alcohol, no drugs, no sleep, no distractions. i just sit and feel my heart rip into pieces. after all, "it's all in the fucking mind."

"why do i put myself through this?"  "i can't deal with your fucking brain." "what have you even done for me?" why. do. people. i. love. keep. telling. me. im. fucking. trash but at the end of the day,  my biggest hater is still me.

you know what's the most fking lonely thing in the world? when everyone thinks and expects you to be okay so you have absolutely no one to talk to.

I lost my Macbook in that stupid car break in. The latter half of last year seemed to be going so well. I got off meds, my mental health improved a lot, I found new aspirations and motivations in life. But as the year begun, I lost stupid Macbook. Didn't back up shit so now I've got nothin'. Seem to have left my hopes and aspirations in that stupid Macbook too.

there's a difference between being lovable and easy to love. a lovable person has lovable qualities. intrinsic traits that make people want to behold them. to give them everything that they have. a person that is easy to love, on the other hand, has no self-love. no standards. no need for anything, and that is why they are easy to love.

you see, mum, there's this stupid sad hole inside of me that just wouldn't go away no matter what i do and no one likes someone  with a stupid sad hole